May Parenting Tip: Creating A Safe Place

When a child is in their survival or emotional state, they are unable to access their problem-solving and higher thinking skills. This makes it impossible for the child to process information or learn new skills. This is where the Safe Place comes in. The goal of the Safe Place is to help the child learn to regulate their emotions to return to a state of calm.

You can create a Safe Place in your home in order to help children recognize their upsets and learn to self-regulate. Safe places begin with seating (a beanbag, rocking chair, pillows, etc.). If your child is a toddler, make sure there’s enough room to allow for an adult and child to co-regulate together. Your lap is your toddler’s primary Safe Place. Remember to practice deep breathing with your child when they are calm and able to take in information. This will allow the child to more readily utilize the breaths when they’re upset. Include other items in your child’s Safe Place that they find particularly comforting. Some ideas include fidgets, stress balls, stuffed animals, coloring materials, a hot/cold pack, etc. Sensory elements (touch, texture, temperature) are often helpful.

A useful phrase to use in the Safe Place is, “You’re safe. Breathe with me. You can handle this.” The Safe Place is NOT a time out. Children must go to the Safe Place willingly, not forcibly, for it to be calming and effective. A useful phrase to encourage use of the Safe Place in the moment is, “Your body is telling me you’re having a tough time right now. Let’s go to the Safe Place together to calm down.” With practice, you may find your child utilizing the Safe Place and returning to an calm state without prompting. This will ultimately lead to internal self-regulation as the child grows and will become their own sense of inner peace.